Welcome to the Craptastic Life of :
by Xarn
Summary: From crappy mothers to even worse fathers, Meg was stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing but angst in her pocket and an empty notebook to scribble her life down in.   Rated M for Language again. Kid should really wash his mouth with soap.
1. My Life Sucked

November 3rd 2012

Welcome to the crap-tastic life of Meg Lorraine Gray. A story about a girl who's life fucking sucked! If you are reading this I must be dead. Or dying. Or attempting to dig my own grave. Or so bored with the life God blessed me with that I threw this book out the window for your entertainment. Maybe not yet...

So let's start off with my mother, Melissa 'Douche' Walker who may or may not have exactly used words to convey her message but was totally hinting for me to get the hell out of her house so she could have kinky fun time with Mr. John 'Douche' Walker. Last May my whore of a mother got re-re-remarried. First it was Dick Blaney, then Randy Smith. I mean how low can a mother's standards get?

In order to keep my sanity, I escaped that sex-hold and moved to my lovesick father's house in the city of Sporks. Ever since I was little I hated Sporks. It was cold, dreary and rained a lot more than necessary. If their grass was any greener the land gnomes were sure to come alive and shoot people with their mini guns hidden in their hats. I mean who the hell wants to live in a town where the most exciting thing bound to happen is an old man falling in a pothole?

Hopping off that airplane was my rude awakening to this nightmare. Under the new light, or lack of, my skin was beginning to reflect my mood: sickly and withering further into the depths of depression. My sun-bleached hair stood out among the crowd. I looked like a highlighter.

"Hey, Meggo," my hobo of a father yelled. His dark hair greased back, and his amazon jungle of a beard blocking his missing tooth from view.

I tried to cover my face and pretend I didn't hear him, but he hobbled over before I could make my escape.

"Hey ... D-Dad..." I cringed on the inside. Admitting this yeti wannabe was my father eliminated a few years of my life. "Could we stick with Meg, please? It's kind of embarrassing."

Norman's eyes bulged in surprise at my suggestion. "Buy Meggo, your mother and I have been calling you that since you were a baby."

I rolled my eyes and began to walk over to his car. It wasn't hard to find amidst the other vehicles in the parking lot. The hot pink hood peeked out from the rest of the old-fashioned cars in the lot. Ever since my mother left him he wasn't able to let go, even kept her Barbiemobile, and 1996 bra in the glove compartment.

We finally left the airport and drove towards my new prison.

"You know Meggo, you can visit me any time. It gets lonely having you and your mom half way across the country." He tilted his head my way.

"You know mom hates the cold," I complained. "It's so gloomy here, no wonder she left you."

Well that didn't go as planned. My goal was to be apathetic to all my father's comments until I could escape his hold and venture off into the wilderness, also known as school. At least in that herd I could forget about my lame family and concentrate on my studies, which were also going to be lame.

Norman merely shrugged and helped me lug my junk to the front door after we pulled into his gravel driveway, now my driveway. It was a crappy house. Bricks painted a putrid yellow, with porthole windows. What my dad was thinking, I know not. However, it was probably the fisherman in him that possessed him to purchase the ghastly neon life saver hanging off the front porch.

I groaned and made my way to my new living quarters. I passed the living room, still equipped with an ugly maroon couch and pictures of my parents' honeymoon days. Norman just refused to let go of his one and only love. The stairs that led to the only room, my childhood room, above the first floor were worn down. As I opened the bedroom door, I understood why. Photos upon photos of my mother hung from the ceiling, taped to the walls, populated the dresser in frames, and a gorgeous blow-up doll was masked with a cut out of my mother's face.

It didn't surprise me in the least. I guess you could say I was used to this shitty life. I sighed deeply and began ripping mom's pictures off the walls and tossing them into a pile on the floor. Then the frames were emptied and also thrown into the mound. Last the blow-up doll. I shivered from the mere thought of what Norm did with the toy and kicked it downstairs.

"Dad, next time please empty out the room _before_ I get here." I hollered down the hall. I hated my dad. I hated this ugly room, and most of all, I hated Sporks.

My luggage didn't deserve to be unpacked. I ripped the sheets off the bed and plopped onto the naked mattress. School tomorrow was going to be a drag. I closed my eyes and hoped I would wake up to a dazzling, exciting, just remotely less bland life. Maybe I could fake my death and run away to Sugartit, Kentucky; change my name to George and clean windows for a living. Anything was better than dealing with a stalker of a father in a town famous for their lack of excitement.


	2. President by Day, Stripper by Night

November 4th, 2012

Morning couldn't have come quick enough. Worst night ever. All night long I could hear mysterious sounds coming from downstairs and the rain outside never stopped, just splashed off my window pain like there was no tomorrow.

I put on my only sweater, a gaudy pink wool top with black and red argyle design on the front, and donned a pair of black slacks. I looked more like a teacher than a student. All I needed was the retro glasses. I suppose that was the price to pay when your mother still shopped for you.

I ran downstairs and popped some bread into the toaster. I looked out the window above the sink. Walking to school was going to be wet. Potholes had turned into lakes in the middle of the poorly paved roads.

I heard footsteps and turned only to see my father in Betty Boop boxers. He wiggled his ass as he searched the shelves of the fridge. I wish he would put some pants on instead of scorching my mind with dirty images.

"Dad, do you feel like driving me to school?" I prayed he'd say yes, and even harder that he would put pants on before hopping into his beat up truck. Sadly I'd rather have 'Jesus' drive me in a truck that smelled like month old fish than walk in that rain.

He shot up from his scope of the fridge and gave me this confused look.

"Drive yourself to school," he said bluntly. What a dick.

"But Daa–" I jumped from the pop behind me. The toast surfaced and I snatched it before complaining once again.

"_Daaaad_, it's raining outside. You aren't seriously going to let your pride and joy get wet on her first day of school are you?"

He frowned. " I bought you a damn car, so use the damn car. Now get your ass in gear."

With that Norman grabbed the jar of pickles and walked over to the living room. I stuffed my face with my breakfast fuel and dashed outside in search of this car. Surely he didn't mean that shit red Dodge Neon parked in the back? It was rusted beyond repair, making it look more brown than red, and covered in bird shit. Norman could have washed that mess away at least. I cursed myself for being born into this inconsiderate family and opened the door to my 'new' car.

"OW!" I yelled when I sat down in the driver's seat. "A spring in the ass? Are you ser– Fuck me."

I slammed on the reverse and headed to my new prison. My unhappy mood somewhat lifted when I saw the parking lot filled with cars in worse shape than mine. Beat up minivans and trucks about to fall apart. At least my car's doors were in one piece.

I hurried over to the main building to receive my timetable. The principal of the school, Ms. Répar, was a sight for sore eyes. Fat, short, and her lips looked like a beehive decided to have a party on her face.

"Could I get my timetable please?" I asked in monotone. "Gray."

Ms. Répar looked up at me from behind her glasses.

"Ah, Miss Meg. A fisherman's daughter huh? Tell Norm my husband is anticipating that salmon."

I grabbed the sheet she held out.

"Uh? Sure ..." I turned for the door. *How the fuck did she know him* I guess in a town this small, everyone knew the citizens.

* * *

First period; History: A bore. Miami's courses were way more advanced than this crap. I may not be smart, but I definitely knew that Hitler was bad news since the ninth grade. The teacher Mr. Hinkle kept going on and on about the battle of Sandwich. For those 75 minutes of lecture about the hatred the French and English bore against each other, I doodled scenarios of what the councilmen of the town were really doing during those meetings.

Getting high off their South American seaweed, which led to a bad case of the munchies and resulting in an island of Sandwich to go with the Salisbury plains on the other side of the ocean. No one in their right mindframe would name a city after a food. While I was doodling in the margin of my notebook, I'd occasionally glance up. At one point my glance was met by another. They were wide forest green eyes magnified by his thick black-framed glasses. Zits populated his face and his greasy carrot top hair was slicked to the side in a comb-over fashion. He waved his arm around frantically trying to get my attention. I went back to my drawing and shook my head. What a total creep. First day of school and already I'm getting pedoed on? I absorbed myself once again in my comic while drowning out the boring lecture of some French Monk. The bell rang as I was putting the finishing touches on the psychedelic story of councilmen Jim and Bob.

Second period; Calculus: Don't even get me started on my hatred for math. The dorky kid I met in history was yet again gazing at me. Like I'd ever give a ginger with dorky glasses a chance. My standards were nowhere near those of my mother.

I tried to not look at him, really I did but those glasses. How blind was that kid? His peepers were the size of baseballs. He caught me staring at him and took that as a hint to make his move. He grabbed his binder and hopped over to my table.

"HI! I'm Ethan Yorkie. You must be Meg Gray. You're pretty." He smiled.

Great, a creeper and straightforward; lucky me.

"Uh thanks ... I guess," I used all the control I had to not explode in his face. If he thought a city girl was going to give him a chance than he had another thing coming, but I wasn't that much of a bitch ... yet.

"You know. Your hair is _way _shinier than the other girls. Do you use different shampoo? Oh, I know you use more conditioner than what's recommended. You know that can damage your hair in the long run. You should try head and shoulders. I know it's for dandruff and stuff but you can at least prevent it before it happens. That's what my mommy always tells me. She's a hairdresser you know. She's one of the only ones in —"

And he went on and on. After his drabble hit the part about my 'stunning argyle chest' I flat out ignored him. Even after the bell rang, he was talking. No words were recognized but that mouth of his kept flapping up a storm. I made a beeline for the cafeteria.

Ah lunch. The hour of heaven within the prison of education. I walked over to the cashier and ordered the special, whatever that was. I found a table in a corner of the caf and slammed my tray down before slumping into a seat. My stomach churned at the poor excuse of a lunch 'special'. Egg salad sandwiches, Jell-O in a cup ... where did all the stuffed pretzels go? Or salads that weren't actually grown in your backyard. I poked my Jell-O with my plastic spoon and groaned.

"Stupid mother kicking me out of my stupid house," I muttered. "**Ugh**! That damn 'Douche' Walker!"

I threw my utensil onto the table only to see a pair of legs out of the corner of my eye.

"Oh, hi Meg!" One said in an extremely obnoxious manner. "Like welcome to Sporks. My name is Dolores. As captain of the welcoming committee I guess I'm supposed to introduce you to people or like whatever.

Dolores flipped her strawberry-blond hair. The peppy tone oozing from her perfectly glossed lips.

"Okay like this is Wilma. She ... Like oh my God what _do_ you do, Will? I like totally forgot."

The 'Wilma' in question, a tall girl with long ebony hair, blushed slightly.

"I-I'm head of Student's Council." She stuttered. "A-Although by night that is questionable." Wilma giggled and smiled at what I suspected was a dirty joke her mind refused to expose.

"Yeah, Like whatever. So Meg, how are you liking it here?"

I tapped my fingers on the table in agitation. "I'd like it a lot better if students weren't so annoying."

Dolores clapped her hands in excitement. "Like I know! The guys especially. I mean take Ethan from History. He's constantly staring at me. It's not my fault I'm drop dead gorgeous and he's a nerd that won't get a piece of ass. And like those Pirllen kids. You got your ever so creepy Moett with his fishnets and lack of words. I swear the only thing I heard him say was like ... his brothers' names."

I banged my head against the table. Obviously she did not get the hint. I tried to ignore her, but failed miserably. Dolores pulled up a chair and continued her rant.

"Oh my gosh. Then you got your Kilsper. Don't piss him off. I hear when he was in Senior Kindergarten he tried to cut off some kid's fingers with Crayola safety scissors. Never shows his face so that's why he has a surgical mask on and those blocked glasses. Then there's Edice. He's a sweetheart though he creeps the hell out of me. I dropped my books once and he — But Kidward's another story. Don't even get me started!"

Oh but she was indeed ready to get started on that sack of knowledge when the bell for last block rang.

"We'll see you around then." They waved and left. Finally.

Third period; Chemistry: The longest class I have ever attended. A three hour long session of complete and utter bullshit; the only class I hated more than my own pathetic life. Chemicals, explosions, and gingers sitting beside you, what was the world coming to? I had plopped into my seat and sighed deeply. Mr. Ginger to my left also sighed.

"Fucking hate this class!" he groaned. "Edice, you cow."

I looked at him with a confused look on my face. He had flaming red hair which stuck out in every direction under his dorky yellow goggles. The fluffy coat he donned was also questionable.

"Okay class. Whip out your tubes and Juli here will guide you to the wonderful land of _science_." Mr. Persic pulled out a sock puppet from his desk drawer. This 'Juli' looked like a 4 year old gave birth to her. An old grey sock with the classic red and blue strip on the end, only now it also had full pink paper lips and blond pigtails poking out the sides.

"Okay kids," it said in a really high pitched voice. "Follow instructions on page 562 and get crackin'. Oh and Kid, try not to blow anything up this time."

The ginger smirked. "No promises."

I opened my textbook and skimmed the lab not really focusing on anything that was written. All I really wanted was to go home and sleep this year away. I was about to put my head down on the desk when the metal container of test tubes moved slowly on its own towards my lab partner. That woke me up.

"How the hell are you doing that?" I gawked.

Kid shrugged.

"Dunno. Could control metal since birth I guess?"

"So like ... move this pencil." I pushed the eraser towards him. It shot up and whacked me in the eye before falling back onto the table.

"Ow..." I moaned. He smirked and began dumping random chemicals into the tubes.

"Don't you think you should measure those?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Science was made for failures."

Oh Lord. This guy was awakening the mother within me. "At least put your goggles on then. What would happen if you got 3rd degree burns on your eye balls? Put on your damn glasses!"

"I'm not putting those damn things on!" He retaliated. "They make me look cool up there."

I scowled at him and tried to reach for them myself.

"FUCK OFF!" He slapped my hand away. "Okay, fine! Jesus!"

Kid pulled his goggles away from his head a few inches and let them fly onto his face. I could hear a faint *ploink* as they stuck to his skin.

You happy now? ... Women ..."

Kid brought his face closer to the test tube and let a single drop of God knows what fall into the mixture. It happened too fast to see what actually went down, but the aftermath was pretty easy to understand. Kid's once pale face was blackened by the ash that errupted from the tube. His goggle lenses also covered in the black mess. He coughed and patted his fluffy coat collar.

"Duuuude. That was awesome." He pulled off his goggles and stared at me. His brown eyes wide with excitement. Those were the only things not covered in the black powder. Unfortunately for us, we weren't the only ones that noticed the erruption.

"Mr. Pirllen," Mr. Persic put his hands on his hips, or rather Juli that much closer to his package. "Office now. And Ms. Gray as well. I don't care that it's your first day, ruckus is no tolerated in this room. Isn't that right Juli? Ye,s my snookums." The latter was spoken in a baby voice that normal people would address animals with, not puppets.

I got up from my desk and walked out the door. Kid soon joined me and that's when I started to giggle.

"The hell are you laughing for?" he demanded after shutting the door, heading for the exit.

I didn't know what came over me. My whole life had been one big virtual wrist-slashing fest. Shitty mother and an even worse father. No friends. And now a city so small everyone knew _everything_. Like when your cat's having her litter; when your brother is having kinky fun time with your new pair of socks; when you miss your period. Everything. And in just that half hour of questioning teaching methods and lack of reading the damn assignment _before_ touching the flammables, I had fun.

Was it because Kid seemed more of an outcast than me? Or because he didn't try to fit in? Nah. It was probably the fact that he was so far out there that it was comical. I mean who in this day and age would wear friggin' tassels? Even my dad wasn't that much of a loser.

"Where are you going? Office is that way!" I jogged up to him.

He raised a non-existent eyebrow. "Home. Duh."

"Well what the hell am I supposed to do? I don't want to go there alone and I can't go home. My dad would flip if he found out I was skipping."

He sighed and grabbed my arm.

"Where are you taking me?"

He threw me into his red Ferrari and slammed the door.

"My house," he replied, hopping into the driver's seat.

I figured I'd be in that thing for no more than 10 minutes given the fact that the town was so tiny everything was in walking distance. However 16 minutes and 28 seconds later the car was still in motion. Paved roads had become dirt trails, and buildings to trees.

"Uhmm ... Kid? How far exactly is your house?" My panic started to kick in. What if he was going to abduct me? What would my dad think. Awe hell who was I trying to kid? No one would notice I was gone. Everyone except maybe that Ethan guy, but he didn't count.

Kidward grunted. "Give it 3 minutes tops."

I began to wonder why he even shoved me into the car. Why bring me home at all? I decided to screw all logic and just accept the fact that there was someone on the planet that scored a point in my book of Strangers You Go With.

"Favourite colour." I asked him bluntly. "Mine's a tie between green and blue. I mean the green looks nice because it brings life into the river ponds that used to flow around my cottage, but the blue– a world without blue is like a world without nutty ice cream and that is a world I refu–"

"Shut up. What the hell are you talking about anyway?" He glared at me from the corner of his eye.

"If I'm intruding your living quarters I want some knowledge ..."

Kidward sighed, "Red."

I giggled. Another giggle for the record book.

"What now? So I like red. What's so amusing about that?" His tone became more annoyed and I couldn't help but smile.

"Oh come on. Red hair, red car. I'm amazed that your pants aren't the same. I mean who wears hippie pants like that anyway?"

"You know it was stylish back in the day."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah if you lived in the 70s."

He muttered something, but I didn't quite catch it. I wanted to ask him to repeat it but we had pulled into the driveway and my jaw dropped. A ship. A god damn pirate ship was docked in the middle of the field. How it got there was a mystery but I was certain it didn't belong there. Yet there it was in all its 2 masts and 60-some feet glory. Even the plank was placed for entrance. I opened the door to the car and gawked. The bow of the ship even had a figurehead. A skull with swords protruding from the back, they looked more like elf ears to me, but what do I know?

"A beauty isn't she?" He stood beside me admiring what I'd like to say was his club house and not his actual house.

"Wh-How? WHY? It's a fucking boat!" No words could describe my confusion.

Kidward motioned me onto the plank. This made absolutely no sense to me, but then again I didn't need logic, common sense was of no use with this guy. Thus I followed the ginger into his vessel on land.

"Next question. Birthday. Mine's February 17th, you know in case you were curious. Oh hey! Who's this? Oh these look cute."

My mind was going into overload. I was inside a friggin' pirate ship, decked out in fish nets and old barrels still on the floor from ... whenever these Vikings crashed into America.

The hold of the ship had now become less of a cargo space and more like a family room. Minus the television, the video game consoles. Only thing keeping it from being barren was the giant pool table in the center and a few old-fashioned couches scattered about. I picked up a frame with a family portrait inside, from the side table. Kidward was scowling at the camera with his pimp coat open and bare chest flashing the lense. On his left was Kilsper I'd take it from the shades and mask. Then stood Edice. He had his hand placed on Kid's shoulder, smiling fondly at the camera. In the back stood who I'd assume was Moett, considering he stood a couple feet above Kid spiky locks, with his pedo-stache sexing up the view. I admired the photo and smiled to myself. If only my family could be that happy. Maybe then I wouldn't be so miserable.

I shook my head and looked around. All alone in a creepy house/boat/thing.

"Uh, Kidward? Kidward! Where the hell are you?"

He poked his head down from the ceiling.

"Instead of staring at my shit, how's about you get your ass up here?"

I glared. "Well soooorry for being too engrossed in your what-the-fuckery of a house. Where the hell would you sleep on this ship/house/thing? Dah ... not that I'm inviting myself into your bed or anything... Gah. Forget it."

"In the Captain's Room obviously." Kidward rolled his eyes and stomped back to where he emerged from.

"January 10th" he yelled back.

I scrambled up the steps and headed towards the galley. I was amazed at what I learned in my Pirates Of the Carribean days. The galley looked like a typical sailor's kitchen. Barrels scattered in the corners, more fish nets hung from the ceiling to hold pots and other miscellaneous. The only difference was the electricity that now ran through, _clean_ running water, and the addition of a fridge that Kid was rummaging through.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Ow. Fuck!" He exclaimed. I could hear glass banging and a Kidward cussing from the impact.

"Can you _not _scare the fuck out of me? Jesus!"

I stomped my foot on the shiny wooden floor.

It's not _my_ fault you jump so easily."

He grunted and shoved a sandwich into his mouth.

"Shanuary tenff, ma brfday." He said between chews. I hummed and ditched Kidward in search of some more entertainment. A stairway led me to the deck. It was bare, probably due to the fact that 90 percent of the weather in Sporks was rain. Now came the hardest decision, Captain's room or poop cabin? Would I rather be scolded by the 'captain' or venture into a room that sustained as a sleeping quarter for 3 grown men; 2 of which were questionably dressed. The final verdict was simple, a 'gentle' scolding was worth not having to witness thongs and paraphernalia belonging to men. Getting over my mother's G-string was hard enough.

I opened the nicely carved door and nearly giggled. It was definitely Kid's room. If the red duvet jumbled in a pile in the corner of the King sized bed wasn't enough, then the red pillow cases, and sheets, and porthole curtain did the trick. A side table held nothing but a candle and an old-school lamp. I didn't even realize they still made light bulbs for those things. A bookshelf was hidden in a corner of the cabin. I would never have guessed that Kidward liked to read. I strolled over and eyed up the shelf. One of the novels had an illegible spine, from being continuously opened. I went to grab it when the door ricocheted off the wall.

"Hey! What the hell are you thinking. You can't barge into a man's room! Didn't you see the sign?" Kid pointed to an empty door. "Ah fuck. Don't tell me Edice took it again."

"Soooo, I have decided you are going to be seeing a lot more of me," I practically sang to him. I was amazed at how my attitude towards life warped from dreary to cheery in just 48 hours. Had I known that problems could get fixed by befriending a total oddball I would have done it years ago? But then again all the kids in my classes were retards and even then I refused to have some assbutt invade my personal space. Oh how life changes.

"Well no shit. You sit beside me for like three hours."

I spun around the room still all happy-go-lucky. My first friend ever. A crazy, over-powered ginger, with goggles (hey it's one step above dorky glasses) and a womanizer's coat, who reads The Notebook I noted when I finally got to see the cover of the worn out novel. Kind of depressing but I was claiming him for myself anyway.

The day went on and he eventually kicked me out. No invite to drive me home, just boot to the head and out the door. For some reason my car was parked right outside his 'shouse'.

"How the - you know what? I don't care." It confused me, but at least I didn't have to walk the 16 minutes by car on foot. That, I was thankful for. I hopped behind the wheel and drove back to my dreary hell of a hut.

As cheesy as it may sound, that night I dreamt about being a pirate. Slashing zombies from the poop deck. My back shielded by another, broad and firm. I never looked back, but my heart seemed to know who it was. All I could feel was the heat behind me and the sensation of my cutlass slashing through the attackers. It was exilerating and refreshing to know even as a woman, I made a damn awesome pirate.


	3. Cows Go Moooooooo

November 15th, 2012

It had been a little more than a week since I'd come to Sporks and other than me skipping to chemisty of dashing away from Ethan, my days had been uneventful. Dolores and I exchanged words in history. Her complaining about something and me just nodding. I wallowed in my corner of self-pity alone ( I don't consider the stalker ninja a person) during lunch. So there I was eating Jell-O in a cup with a fork, with a nerd sighing in wanton, when my sight went blank.

My heart leaped. Did Kid decide that he was going to stop being a douche canoe and actually sit with me? I mean sure we didn't talk all the much outside of school, but the conversation never stopped in Chemistry. Okay, so maybe I was 95% of that conversation, but he'd add his bit too. Like Wednesday when he told me to "... just shut that trap of yours. God woman. Do you never shut up?" That counted, right?

"Uhm ... hi?"

The hands were lowered and I was face-to-face with a pale visage. Light blue dreadlocks dangled in front of me.

"Oh, hi Edice. Kidward has told me ... absolutely nothing about you."

Edice took a seat at my loner table and leaned towards me, like he was studying my face.

"What does he see in you?" He muttered to himself.

"Huh?" I asked confused. Was he talking to me?

Edice waved his hand in dismissal. "It's nothing. So I hear Kid made a friend and spilled the beans on being a 'special child'. Not very secretive about it is he? Yet he still locks me out of the house." He sighed in exasperation. "I guess if you're planning on sticking around you should be up to speed on a few things; like me seeing into the future and Kilsper being able to morph his hands into blades. Don't ask me how he swung that. And Moett ... was once a woman."

I scrunched my face up to make that "I don't know what you're saying but I'm tryi- I don't know what you're saying" face.

"I'm sorry. What?"

"I don't mean to sound like I don't care, it's just I'm protective over my little brothers, and we've moved so often I forget half of the places. And most of the time it's because Kid doesn't realize he can't use his power to make life easier. God, he's so _lazy_. But I foresee you not saying anything so I guess I can deal." He looked past me into the distance, like he wasn't focussing on anything. Edice curled his lip up into a smile. "Okay, I forgive you. We're going to be friends soon."

The high pitched screech from the school bell rang for class, and I didn't even get to finish my Jell-O.

Edice got up to leave. "Oh and watch out for high places. You're a bit clumsy..."

I kept that in mind while walking to chemistry. Did he see me falling off a cliff or something? Like that was going to happen. I hated heights. I mean it's not like I'm afraid of falling down the stairs since there _is_ a railing to save my life, but being on a window sill only moments away from plummeting to my inevitable doom was another story.

Walking into chemistry was more refreshing than my other classes. Probably because that mosquito of a stalker that attended my other two classes was nowhere in sight. Not because there was some 'pirate' squatting in the seat beside mine. Hair dancing in the fan's breeze, red hoodie draped over his shoulders. The sun I guess made even him uncomfortable with that heavy as hell jacket.

Kidward was resting his arm on the desk staring into space. The sun shining through the window glinted off his yellow goggles and warming his face. The sight was strangely heartwarming. I mean when met in a storm I'm sure he would look threatening, however under the rays of the sun and still confined within a learning facility, Kid looked oddly in place. 'And so the stone cold rock blushed...' Not really. I kept my composure and tripped over some chick's pencil before flying into my seat. Totally composed. Kid cocked his head at me.

"Hey," I greeted him while trying to forget the ass I had become. "So I finally met Edice. So why _did_ you lock him out of the shi - house?"

"I didn't want ... the others to intrude? Scare! Yes, I didn't want my family to scare you." He straighted his posture as if proud of his lame ass excuse.

I raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Sure."

"What's that supposed to mean? You think I have never had a woman over and got self-conscience? No way. Women flock towards me. I'm like a babe magnet."

I opened my text book to bury my face and stiffle a laugh.

"Quit your laughing. You don't know what I can and cannot do. You don't even know." He glared.

I smirked. "I'm sure you can make any girl head of heels for you. It just might take awhile, and some date rape may be needed."

Kidward scowled. It was a quiet class. I got the silent treatment for those full 180 minutes. If only Mr. Persic and his lovely Juliann would have caught on instead of babble about the wonders of carbon.

After class I figured I'd do what I'd usually did and drive home, grumble at my father's indecency and attempt to get Mr. Pirllen out of my head. Unfortunately, _some_ people didn't think that was acceptable. I slammed my locker shut and was greeted with an angry face glaring at me. I sighed and put my jacket on.

"What do you want now? Still ignoring me?"

Kidward didn't say anything, just grabbed me by the arm once again and tried to drag me off to God knows where. I ripped my limb away.

"Not this time," I stated. "At least not until you tell me where I'm going."

He sighed and tackled my legs. Kid threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and marched towards the parking lot.

"Put me down!" I wailed, kicking my feet in the air. The students in the hallway getting ready to leave gave us weird looks. I guess they had never seen an abduction before. Kid kicked open the door and waltzed across the parking lot to his red Ferrari, still holding me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing.

"Put me down, _now!_" I demanded.

"Not a chance. Not until you admit that I am a ladies man." He threw me once again into the front seat of his car. This seemed like a repeated thing, me being dragged off into the distance. It was scary to think a burgular could break into my shitty house and stash me out the window and I wouldn't be able to retaliate. Then again, this guy was like a Chuck Norris in the making.

"Fine then." I crossed my arms and slumped back into the seat. "You're a lady killer. Women flock to you. A chick magnet. A ... giggilo."

"Wo wo. That's too far." He playfully punched me in the shoulder. 'Playfully' meaning a bruise was definitely going to make an appearance, but my bones did not shatter.

I rubbed the sore spot, and scowled. Man, did he have muscle. His sex must be violet ... not that I ever fantasized about him in bed. I mentally facepalmed. It's only been roughly 2 weeks and already I was envisioning my first time with a brutish ogre with ... dazzling brown eyes, on the verge of ecstasy, and his flaming hair soaked in sweat. My eyes bulged in surprise at my thoughts. Bad Meg, bad.

"Mm. So where are we heading to this time?" I asked trying to distract my virgin mind, but it was _so_ difficult. In my head there was just _so_ much Kidward. A chiseled face looking down on me. Unmentionables in all their glory. Why? I mean we only talk _everyday_. Three hours that never seemed long enough. That didn't help. It's not like he had ever hinted to liking me either. Only grunts, short answers, coarse answers if I don't mind my words. He was just some guy with anger issues, and an S odd family /S very odd family. Yet the fantasies would not surrender to clean thoughts.

Kidward kept his eyes on the road and didn't reply. I sighed loudly and turned on the radio. Justin Bieber blasted through the maxed out speakers. I frantically pressed buttons, turned knobs, anything to make the prepubescent child stop his horrid singing. Giving up trying to switch channels, I pressed the off button and sighed again. Some cars had way too many dials. I swear I saw Kid smirk at my frustration. But still saw no reasons to speak. All I could so was wait for the 'magic' to happen. Magic meaning the car rolling to a stop so I can see _where_ my shackles would take me.

It wasn't long before we pulled into a gravel parking lot. Only a tiny white Chrysler populated the lot. I hopped out and slammed the red door.

"Welcome to a woman's paradise." Kidward exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air as if advertising the place.

I looked around. "And where exactly _is_ this paradise?"

Now this time I know he smirked. He grabbed my hand, probably not even realizing it, and pulled me behind a row of trees. My cheeks began to turn cherry. He wasn't going to kiss me in the forest was he? I wasn't ready for that. I'll never be ready for that.

"Kid I don't think -" but before I finished, a child's laughter broke through my panic. It was then that I took in my surroundings. Behind the trees and scrubberies, was acres of sand. For a small town like Sporks the park was huge. It even had those animals on springs. I laughed and dashed over to the bouncy things. Kid slowly walked over as well. His army boots making him sink quickly. I jumped onto the duck and lunged myself forward.

" Oh man, this brings back memories." My hair blew in the wind as I rocked back and forth. "When I lived in Miami, I used to rock on this little red pig every time my mom and I fought. We never really got along. And since our condo faced the beach, and there was a playground near by, it was practically my home away from home. They must have built this park after I moved, I don't remember anything remotely fun being here."

Kidward crossed his arms and sat on the cow beside me, not straddling it. I guess he was too cool for that.

"What did I tell you? A girl's dream."

"So what's the secret behind this scheme? Does the park 'rejuvenate' the soul or something? Make _you_ seem more ... mature or childish in your case. You seem like you have a stick up your ass." I smiled faintly.

Kid glared. "Oh please. I can be childish too."

To demonstrate he threw his leg over the metal cow and grabbed the handles, putting all of his strength into the momentum of the spring. It was a sight to see. Hair flopping from one side to the other, the tassels also swaying in the freeze from his speed. However, it wasn't long before the ride gave out under his weight and flipped him off into the sand pit. His goggles landed by my yellow ducky. Laughing at his state I bent over to pick up his lenses, only to fall as well and toss in the sand. I just couldn't seem to catch my breath. I grabbed the goggles and placed them on my face, still hysterically giggling.

"H-how do I l-look?" I took a deep breath. Steady, calm. Kid sat up and brushed off his hood. Sand fell from the pouch in mounds.

"_I _think they look better on me," and with that yanked them off my head. He stood up and ruffled his hair. "Man that hurt."

"I thought it was pretty ... childish." I stiffled a laugh. "At least the stick's gone."

"Yeah, yeah." Kid dusted off his ass. "So what next?"

I glanced around the playground in search of something else to entertain myself with.

"That swing set looks fun. You can push me." I skipped over to the swings and plopped into a seat, waiting for him to begin his labour.

I didn't even hear him come up behind me. Just out of the blue I felt warm hands caress my back. Okay caress may not be the term. " 'Gently' touch my back" enough so my swing skyrocketed into the air, but my butt stayed glued to the seat. I pumped my legs like what kids used to do when daddy pushed them. I felt like a bird. Flying into the deep blue, soaring through marshmallow clouds then diving back down to get a scoop of water from the pond. And every cycle I would be warmed up by my lover on the edge of the pond. Waiting patiently for my return.

"You know," I yelled, airbourne. "It feels like we're on a date." As I came down from the flight to graze the water, warm hands did not greet me. I raked my feet through the sand to stop the swing. I looked behind me to see a stunned Kidward. His eyes a bit wider than usual, a frown a bit lower, and 'eyebrows' a bit more drooped. He looked ... surprised.

"This is _so_ not a date." He insisted. From the expression he made I'd suspect he never actually _had_ been on a date before. That relieved me. Then were both on the same boat. Back in Miami, I never made friends let alone met a guy my unemotional heart could stand. Although there was this one kid. My dad used to invite him over when we still lived in Sporks. No idea what his name was. All I remember was his animated face whenever he talked about swords. Swords and food.

I smiled and began to pump my legs again. For a friend virgin I sure had a lot of confidence. Perhaps only because Kidward Pirllen seemed like the extra virgin to my original. His presence was strangely comfortable too. Like I could be myself, or at least the self that wasn't weighted down by disappointing parents, or shitty weather, or messed up adults who actually get paid to teach high school students with puppets.

"Kid, push me higher," I yelled at him from the peak of the continuous pendulum. "Please?" I added when I got no response.

"This is not a date," he repeated. "Not a date ..."

It was like a chant he kept echoing, kept telling himself. I subconsciously hoped it was because he was too innocent to take it as much. Innocent didn't seem to suit his character, but it was definitely accurate.

"Okay, fine. Not a date. More like a "Best-Friends-Hanging-Out-At-A-Park-Like-We're-Ten" play date. Does that sound better?" The pressure from his hands every time I swung back lessened.

"Best friends, huh?" Kidward said, almost to himself. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, play date."

I felt relief wash over him and his strength shot up through my back as he pushed me higher. A bit too strong because instead of going airborne with a plastic slate underneath my ass, I was greeted with sand in my mouth, cheek smashed against a stranger's very white sneaker.

"I am _so_ sorry," I stuttered, brushing off my pants. "I didn't think I'd fly that – far..."

I looked up only to be face to face with the kid. That kid. The little boy that used to wave his swords around like he was in a parade or something. The green spiky hair still green. Swords still glued to his hips. Only this time, there were three. His tight black pants were dusty around the bottom, probably from my fall if not from the pit of sand itself. His shirt was bleach white, collar popped up and unbuttoned.

"Hey it's no biggy ... Do I know you?" He quirked an eyebrow and stared at my face. It was a hardcore stare down on his part. Dissecting me with his eyes.

I scratched my head and laughed, awkwardly. "Uh yeah. My dad used to invite you over all the time when we were like 6. You would flail your swords around going on about how you loved food et cetera."

"OH! Meg. Meg Grey right?" he exclaimed and wrapped his arms around me. "God it's been so long. How are your parents? You know I finally got a boyfriend. He's a little on the serious side, but he's a great catch."

He sure hadn't changed. Went from cold cutlasses to rock-hard lances. Even since we were kids I knew there was something not 'straight' about him. You could probably say he was a tad bit too 'curved' for my liking. Even after 10 years he was the same flamboyant, 'Gotta tell everyone', kind of guy. He would flirt down a robber I'm sure.

"That's ... great? Good for you." I shifted my weight and looked gloomily at the sand box.

He threw his muscular arm over my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "So who's the hotty over by the swing? I think he's giving me a dirty look."

I looked over toward Kid. He was indeed giving us a dirty look. It was a murderous glare to be more accurate and that barrel of fun began stomping over here. I gently pushed the boy away and blushed.

"Who's this?" Kid growled.

"Oh Kidward, this is ..." My hand froze in midair. I never got his name.

"Zoro." He stuck his hand out ready to shake Kid's, but was left hanging. Only a scowl was met. "Okay then. Well it was nice seeing you again, Meg." He kissed my cheeks like any other gay man would and sauntered away. I pivoted towards Kidward and smiled, nervously.

"It's not what you think. He was an old friend my dad used to bring over because his parents were never around."

"Then why the hell were you two kissing and hugging and being all lovey-dovey?" Man, did he sound jealous. That thought made my heart leap. Maybe he really did like me, just couldn't seem to put it into words.

I crossed my arms and smirked. "You're only jealous because you didn't get a hug."

The ginger opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. Glares continued and finally he spoke.

"I wasn't jealous." He muttered.

I sighed. "Kidward, even though I have only been in this town for," I looked at my watch. "12 days, 63 minutes and 48 seconds you are most definitely the person I'm closest to. Which entitles you to BFF status. As a friend you must suck it up. No man gets jealous over a gay man!"

"Gay ..." Kid recited.

I nodded. "Yes gay. You know, the kind of guy that doesn't want a woman to feast upon? Besides," I blushed deeply. "I go for the redheads that wear dorky eyewear."

"Oh please. That Ethan Yorkie is not someone who should ever be with a woman. Creepy as fu-"

"Not Ethan! You!" Was he so oblivious that he never noticed my tomato faces or my stuttering when I make an ass of myself in front of him? "I like ...you. You're oblivious! You're angry all the time! Sarcastic during class! Just generally not a happy guy! But for some reason when ... when you look at me, I get butterflies."

I had to walk away. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I couldn't believe I just confessed. I felt so dirty. I hadn't been in the city for a month and already I wanted into someone's pants... well head at least. I was no better than those girls oozing over their idols. My cheeks felt like they were on fire. I paced over to the double-slide and sat at the top. By now the sun was setting. The perfect setting for a lovers' stroll on the beach. The rays grew from yellow to red and grazed the giant rock while poking out of the branches of the trees.

It was probably time to head home, but I didn't feel like facing Kidward. Instead I exhaled deeply and laid on the cold steel landing of the slide. Closing my eyes, I focussed on the rustling of the leaves in the distance. Mixed with the melody of the leaves was the faint sound of footsteps. In response, the slide shook. It wasn't long before a face blocked the gentle rays of the setting sun.

"Boo," He said quietly, voice husky. Kidward leaned over the top step to gaze at my face. The draw-string of his sweater tickling my face.

I half-smiled. "Hey." It felt awkward, but I couldn't stop admiring his face. His nose may have been a little too sharp, skin too pale, but he still looked stunning under the fading sunlight.

Kid took the remaining steps and sat in the slide beside me, ruffling his hair in discomfort. My silence didn't help the situation.

"GAH! I'm not good at these things!" Kid finally exploded."Truth is I suck. Never won a girl before. Never even scored a goddamn date before. Whether it was my perfect muscular build," I giggled. "Or my inability to smile, everyone kind of ran away from me." He shrugged.

I rolled onto my side and stared up at him while leaning on my arm. "I think your angry stares are an endearing character trait. And it's not like you go around punching babies or something."

"Still, your the first girl I ever brought to my house. Don't know what came over me." He cleared his throat. "You're just ... different. "

His brown eyes glistened in the approaching moon light. I leaned towards his chiseled face and closed my eyes. Just one graze across his lips and I would be complete. Kid twisted towards me and lightly pecked my forehead. Not what I had in mind, but just the contact made my heart flutter.

"We uuh should head back. It's getting late." He grunted. His cheeks pinkened and I couldn't help but smile at his embarrassment.

I nodded and slid down the metal slope. All my worries escaped me, flying by as I flew down. The walk to the car had me subtly trying to grab his hand, but every time we brushed he'd take a step to the side and deflect it. The ride home was awkward. I smiled like an idiot out the window watching the trees zoom by while Kid kept his vision glued to the road. As we pulled into my driveway I saw my neon yet again already there after I was positive it was abandoned at school.

"So I take it Edice foresees everything you think of and hot wires my car home when you abduct me huh?" What a considerate guy. He was definitely right about us being friends. "Well uhmm ... Good night." I opened the car door, a bit too quickly, not expecting a good night kiss like they did in the movies. I knew Kidward wouldn't be ready for it.

Kid grunted a good night and pulled out after I shut the door. I waved from my front porch before heading inside. As I walked to my stairway I caught a glimpse of my father in his purple briefs filing his toe nails on the coffee table. Don't ask me why but the sound of a nail being scraped across a file is like grating a baby with a cheese grater, unnerving and just plain unpleasant. However tonight it did not phase me. I simply walked upstairs, took a quick shower and fell asleep thinking of all the things Kidward and I would do once he admitted he couldn't live without me. Edice would tell me when that day came, I was sure.


	4. Best Friend Recuperation

November 16th 2012

Waking up that morning, I felt refreshed. Not only was it Friday, but in my mind the birds were singing, the sky looked bluer, and the rain was still no where in sight. Perhaps mother nature foresaw my future and thought, "And there shall be no rain until this mortal admits his undying love for the maiden". I hummed as I got dressed in my caprees and t-shirt. It was nice not having to worry about the lack of sweaters my wardrobe consisted of. I brushed my hair and clipped my bangs off to the side, then headed downstairs to make some fried eggs for breakfast. Norman was nowhere to be seen. Probably soaking up as much sun as he could with a fishing pole in his hand by the lake.

After brushing my teeth and grabbing my keys, I headed outside to start my drive to school. What I was greeted with however was not my ugly Neon but a still rather nice looking Ferrari. The window rolled down to put into view an angry face.

"Good morning?" I waved. I walked over to the opened window.

Kid's scowl lightened up as I walked over, I was sure, but when I got to the car it rolled right back into a death glare. "Edice told me you would be needing a ride. I have no clue why he would have suggested that seeing as how you look perfectly fine and your car looks ... perfectly fine if we ignore its exterior."

Boy did he look unamused. I wondered why Edice _did_ suggest I needed a lift to school. Did he see me getting smashed into a pole? "So are you leaving then?" I kind of hoped he wouldn't. What if I really did fall prey to a steel rod, or worse, run over a poor animal in the streets?

"Fuck no. If Ed says something, he means it. Get into the fucking car already." He was pouting, I could tell by the slightly puckered lip jutting out of his usually flat expression. I snickered as I walked around the hood of the car.

It was a three minute ride. Only two poles were passed, and no furry little animals dared cross the street. Either Edice was bluffing, or Kid really did scare everything off animals and inanimate objects. We didn't talk. I was too busy thinking about the slide scene from last night. Kid was probably doing the same considering his usually pale visage had an extremely faint blush creep up his cheeks. He was adorable when he's uncomfortable. I was definitely turning into one of those women who dote on everything their significant other does. "Awe he tied his shoelaces in the middle of the hallway" or "How adorable, burning my only roast trying to cook". It was kind of unnerving, but I was sure I would get over that stage soon enough and then wear the pants ... after he actually admitted his feelings.

When we got to school I thanked him for the ride and went in to peck him on the cheek. It didn't go over so well. His eyes widened when he saw my face get closer then threw his hands up and sputter nonsense. They weren't real words or anything, just gibberish.

"Fine." I said. "You can continue your awkward stage, while I try to make our relationship work. Fine."

He whipped his head toward me. "Relationship. Hold up, woman. We are not in a relationship."

"Well then what do you call what happened at the park?"

"That was my answer to your 'You are so not a lady killer' Challenge. And I clearly won. Now get out." Kidward shooed me away with his hands.

I could not believe him. Me thinking we _clearly _had a moment, and then he just stomps all over it like it never happened. I stormed away to my locker and slammed the door shut before heading to History.

Dolores sat beside me when she noticed me angrily scribbling in my notebook.

"What's got your thong in a bunch?" She asked.

"Men." I growled.

She sighed. "Like I know what you mean. There's this guy named Trevor and I swear he's like the sexiest thing my eyes have ever laid on, but he won't even look at me. I mean I got the body. I'm a cheerleader, Welcoming Committee, and definitely the most popular girl in school, but he doesn't even say 'hi' when I wave at him. Like what is his problem?"

"But this guy acknowledges me and we went on a nice date, I think, but then today he denies the fact that we had a good thing going. I just don't understand him. He's so **stubborn**." God he made me angry.

Dolores patted my shoulder. "It's okay honey. The best thing to patch up a tough spot is shopping it out. Like look at me. This top was when Trevor ignored my cheer during the first football match. This cute skirt was bought after he rejected my date. And these shoes ... I can't ... OH. When his brother, Duncan, slammed the door in my face calling me a stalker. I don't look like a stalker, do I?" She gave me this sad puppy look.

"Of course not. You're just a little overdramatic about some things is all."

Our hushed conversation continued while Mr. Hinkle droned on about the English revolution. I swear he was deaf. Not once did he turn around and scold us. Ethan however did hear our conversation and scuttled to the empty desk in front of us.

"I heard Trevor already has a girlfriend and that she's super protective. That's why he ignores every female that crosses his path. I heard a rumor that she once whipped him because -"

That didn't concern me. What did was Kidward's jealousy towards Zoro. How does a guy get jealous when he has no feelings towards the other party. It just does _not _make sense. None of it did. Nothing came to mind second period either. Ethan just sat beside me asking if I was okay. My depressed mood wafted from me, according to him.

Lunch was a whole other story. I sat in my corner, like usual, picking at my Jell-O with a fork, like usual. Why did I never use a spoon? I haven't the slightest. Then out of nowhere, Edice showed up. He looked apologetic, I hope he felt it; he ruined my entire morning.

"I am _so _sorry." He took a seat and swiped my hand. "Had I known Kidward was in an emotional state, I would **never **have asked him to drive you to school. I totally fucked up. I thought ... I don't even know what I thought. I kind of hoped life would take its course and Kid wouldn't have been a total dick." Edice sighed, and let me resume my gelatin poking. I looked up at him and saw him staring into the distance. He smiled then. "But don't worry. Whatever you are thinking of doing, it's definitely the right idea. Oh, but you might need these." He stole my napkin, whipped out a pen and began doodling something onto it. He wished me good luck and left me to wonder. What _was _I thinking of or going to think of? The bell for last class rang and startled me out of my thinking state.

I really didn't want to go to Chemistry. Like _really _didn't want to go. I was contemplating whether I should ditch class or not. I walked to the door to see Kidward's hand hovering over the door handle muttering to himself.

"Should I go? Nah, she's probably still angry. But I want to apologize. Fuck it." Kid pulled his car keys out of his pocket and stormed for the parking lot.

I threw my books back into my locker, which luckily was only a bank away from class, and ran to catch up with him. I was huffing like a fat kid, wishing I exercised back in Miami. He was halfway across the parking lot when I finally caught up to him. Only a few more leaps and I could grab his arm. I went in for the kill, but instead tripped over a rock and face planted into the ashphalt.

"_Motherfucker! _" I yelled as I went down. My caprees torn at the knee and I could see blood begin to seep through the material. I tried to stand up, but said fuck it and went back to hugging my boo-boo. I was dusting off the tiny rocks when a hand flew into my face.

"Here." It said. I looked up and saw Kid. He tried not to make eye contact and instead looked at the car next to us.

"Thanks." His hand was rough, but warm to the touch. He hoisted me up, and I sagged into his arm. My joints felt raw after the tumble. "I'm such a failure. Couldn't even be normal and run without making an ass of myself, and all ... I wanted... " I couldn't finish. My now my eyes were beginning to tear up and on the verge of crying. Why did life have to be so difficult. All I wanted was us to go back to normal. Actually talking during class, not skipping hoping to miss each other. It was all my fault. If only I didn't want more than a forehead smooch, than we probably wouldn't have fought and life would have been fine.

I sniffled. "I'm sorry."

Kidward looked confused. "For what? Being all intimate with the ground? I'm sure it was fine with that."

I rubbed my eyes and smiled. He was trying to cheer me up, and it was actually working. I cleared my throat and pushed his arm away as I steadied myself.

"Actually, that whole episode was so I could catch up with you ... Do you, uh, want to go shopping?" Before he could question my suggestion I cut him off. "Dolores said that whenever she was in an unpleasant mood, she'd go shopping and you are definitely angry, and I'm peeved as well. So think of it as a 'Best Friend Recuperation' thing."

He looked at me like I was speaking German. Either he was really contemplating it, or was thinking of a really good excuse not to.

"I guess. It's not like I have anything better to do." He muttered.

And so our journey to BFF-hood began. For the first four hours of our outting together consisted of a 2 hour drive to Sugartit and then some shop hopping. During the car ride, I did most of the talking. The 18 questions I still had left from our first game of 20 questions, and then funny stories about my life in Miami. The one he seemed to laugh most at, because he did chuckle every time something bad happened to me, was when I told him about the time I tried to colour my hair.

"It was supposed to be blue. A pretty blue that would make my eyes look more dazzling. But the stupud hairdresser refused to bleach my hair thinking it was blond enough. After it was done, it was most certainly _not _blue. You know what colour it was? **Green. **The shitty, money kind of green. It looked like someone wiped their ass across my head. It was horrible! Last time I ever went to her." I crossed my arms in anger, just thinking about it upset me.

Kidward full out chuckled, throwing his head back and shoulders shaking. "That's what you get for trying to change." He retorted. "Me, I kept my hair the way it was. People laughed, but not for long because I'd leave before they were discharged from the city hospital." He laughed again. "Like this one time. His name was Billy, and he had to be the biggest douche canoe of the fourth grade. Kids would cower in his presence and when he noticed how I didn't give a fuck, started to pick on me. Man, I showed him. His mother even made him write me an apology letter. 'Dear Kidward; I'm sorry for picking on you. I promise to be a better person.' Kilsper and I had a good laugh about that."

After the ride, he parked outside a bookstore. For a tough guy, he sure did love romance novels. When I glanced at him reading the cover of 'Outlander', he simply said "What? A man cannot enjoy the literature of true love?" and that was that. He surprised me in many aspects. I learned he liked shopping for accessories, and was impressed with anitiques deeming them pieces of history. If you ignored the brutish attitude and contantly angry face, he would make the perfect guy to bring home.

If got close to dinner, so we headed to a cheap sushi joint. What didn't surprise me was Kid's love for fish. He did act like a pirate, so it was only natural he would be a seafood lover as well. Next on the list of things to do was find me a store that sold pants. It never to occurred to either of us, that I was walking around with a torn pant leg, until the sushi guy noted that it looked uncomfortable. We walked into a little boutique and found the cutest pair of pants I had ever laid eyes on. They were a gorgeous purple with sparkles glittering everywhere. Wearing them made me feel like a superstar. Even Kid blushed when I walked out of the fitting room twirling around, and showing off my ass. Which I usually don't have in pants.

"So now what?" I asked as we were leaving.

Kidward shrugged his shoulders. " I don't know. Walk around I guess?"

So that's what we did. We walked, and talked, and it got darker. Then I spotted a club. "Hey, why don't we get something to drink. You look old enough and I got my fake ID from Miami." I flashed him my photo. "Don't I look amazing?"

Kid rolled his eyes, but didn't object. I bet he could use the booze. The bouncer just glanced at us before opening the door. Either I looked old enough in my sexy purple pants, or Kid looked like a tough opponent to him, if he refused. We sat the bar and ordered a couple rounds. I glanced around and noticed a stage. I facepalmed.

"What is it?" Kid asked.

I pointed to the strip stage. "Had I known this was a strip club I would have never suggested this."

Just as I was explaining the lights dimmed and out popped a woman wearing slim to nothing. Wait, was that Wilma? I remembered her words from the first day. *Though by night that is questionable.* Was she really a stripper?

"Back for more love is Sugartit Tina," said the speakers. From the pole dance and the dollar bills filling up her garter, I took that as a yes. I didn't realize I hadn't even sipped my drink until I turned back around to the bar and saw a dozen or so shot glasses on the counter scattered around Kidward's slumped form.

"Uh Kid, are you okay?" I asked. Why the hell did he drink so much? There was no way I was planning on paying for his stupidity. "Kid, where's your wallet?" I asked as I searched his jacket.

He giggled. "Madam, I'm going to have to asssk you not to toush me there."

I finally found it along with a pack of gum and a couple elastics. I called the bartender over and threw him a few bills before trying to get Kidward onto his feet. It was more difficult than I thought. His weight nearly crushed me. As we hobbled over to the car, he'd wave at randoms and contantly try to grab my ass. Flattering but by no means helping the situation.

"Kidward, I swear to God if you grope me one more time, I am leaving you here on the streets." I scolded.

Finally reaching the car, I threw him into the passenger seat and did up his seatbelt. I felt like a mother. All I needed to do now was drive him home and pray Edice was there to drive me back to my place. The drive back to Sporks was filled with crappy pick-up lines.

"Do _you _believe in love at first sight, or do I hash to walk by again ..hic."

I sighed. "You aren't walking. You're sitting. And shut up already. Your first one was horrid, what makes the 47th to be any better?"

First pick-up ever used on me: "Are you a lumberjack? Because you're giving me wood." It was by far the worst one yet. Did these lines ever work on women?

Seeing the Welcome To Sporks sign was the greatest gift ever received. Only now I felt completely lost. Where the hell was that boat? I poked Kid hoping he would wake up. He fell asleep about the 52nd attempt at a good pick-up line.

"Kidward, where do you live?" I whispered. "Hello?"

I searched my pocket for my cellphone, but instead found the napkin Edice doodled on. It was a map. How fortunate, but that got me wondering on how Edice knew I would need it. He saw Kid drunk as hell, didn't he? That meant he was definitely not home to help me lug him inside. I groaned and floored it through the forest, pulling as close as I could to the boarding plank when I reached the Shouse. I unbuckled Kidward and tried to drag him out of the car. Then up the wooden board. My shoulders were getting sore from all the weight they had to endure. I was amazed at how we never tumbled once. Whether it was because Kidward kept the strength in his legs, or I was just that amazing who knew. I exhaled in delight when we reached the Captain's Quarters. I kicked open the door and pushed him onto the bed. The impact must have jolted him into consciousness because a few moments later his body decided to heave all over the red rug, missing my shoes by no more than a foot.

"_Ewwwwww._" I cried. It looked like cottage cheese, only discoloured. I ran for the garbage pail when I saw his body contract again. The mother in me told me I had to nurse him back to health, but the teenager in me warned me that if I didn't hightail it out of their stat my pants were ruined. Mother winning I tried to roll him over so he didn't drown in his own vomit. I couldn't quite remember the position so he ended up laying crooked with his head handing over the bed, mouth hovering over the pail. It worked.

After a few more heaves, he got up and rolled over onto his side, faced me and probably passed out because he didn't say anything and just snored his drunken state away. I crept to the door to get myself a glass of water when I heard him mutter something. "Meg stop putting shaved chocolate in my muuumble muuumble". I looked at him with a confused expression. Whatever the hell he was dreaming of, I was sure I didn't need to know.

A few moments later I came back with my drink and a stool that I found laying around in the kitchen. I pulled up a seat and stared at his sleeping form. Apart from the residue by his mouth, which quickly wiped off with a tissue, he looked peaceful. His hair pressed flat on the pillow, while the rest of his body sunk into the mattress. His face showed no stress marks or freckles. Not even bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. He was just perfect. I leaned on my knees, gazing at him. Tussling his hair and noting the soft texture. It amazed me at how his hair was not gelled yet stuck up in such a fashion, defying physics. He smiled at the touch. His eyes fluttered open, still glazed with sleep.

"I suffer from amnesia, do I come here often?" he smirked.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, actually you do. This is _your_ bedroom, I'm sure you masterbate quite a bit in here." There was really no point in joking around with a half-brain dead pirate, he wouldn't remember anything in the morning anyway.

He grabbed my still outstretched hand and rolled me over him. I gasped and tried to catch my breath from the surprise. I thought he was going to squish me.

"You look pretty in those pants. Know what would look even better?"

I rolled my eyes and tried to get up. That bed ate me like a fat kid eats chocolate. Memory foam or something. Or something, I do believe that was a waterbed mattress, the way I swayed on it. Reinacting the movements of the sea, God he was definitely a seadog.

"Me in those pants." He replied and chuckled at his own joke. He grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards him. I sighed deeply as I was tossled about. His face was extremely red, like a cherry. His breath however, not so pleasant. I drew my head back and tried to get fresh air.

"Kidward, now is not the time for that." Again tried to worm my way over him to solid ground.

"Getting frisky now are we. I love a woman who means business." I twarted his hand away from my ass.

"What did I tell you about groping?" I raised my voice, he obviously wasn't hearing me for he continued to each for my belt.

His eyes were half open, cheeks still rosy. Kidward looked like he was having a good time. I on the otherhand was not. Our date was great, but while he got to drink 12 odd shots I didn't even get to finish my first round when he nearly passes out on the bar. It's supposed to be the woman who gets taken advantage of, not the giant ass who doesn't want anything other than sex when he won't even remember it in the morning.

"Kidward, you really need to _snap out of it._ We are not going to have sex, so get over it." It seemed like I was ordering a 6 year old to stop playing inappropriately with his sister's barbies.

He pouted his lips. "But all I ever wanted was to feel your -" I smashed my hands against his face. There was no way I wanted to hear what was going to come out of his mouth. When his jaws stopped moving I removed the pressure.

He pushed off of him and turned to his side again. Now I was sandwiched between the wall and the brute. He stroked my hair and it made me relax. I really shouldn't have been, but just the tingling sensation wiped all thoughts away.

"You know, you're really pretty." Kid whispered.

I sighed. "You're only saying that because you're drunk."

He tried to shake his head, but decided against it when his head began to throb. "No, you're just pretty. Better than the ... other girls ..." He began to close his eyes once again. It was about time. "... love... Meg". Those were his last words before passing out.

I didn't know whether it was me he loved, or one of the things he loved about me. Either way, it made me blush. I smiled stupidly to myself.

"Yeah I love you too." I replied though I knew he couldn't hear me in his comatose state. Or so I thought. Kidward shifted over and pulled his arm around me, snickering like a girl in my ear. He nuzzled my neck and cuddled up closer.

"Love you." He repeated, and the snoring resumed. I didn't really feel like moving this time. It was a perfect position to be trapped in really. My head resting on his arm, other arm keeping me warm and his breath giving my back tingles. Instead I snuggled closer and fell asleep as well.

* * *

"**Rise and shine love birds. **There's an uncomfortable conversation awaiting I'm sure," sang Edice.

I groaned and rubbed my eyes trying to see what was going on, but only getting sun and fur in my eyes. Kid's coat was still on, and tickling my nose. Kidward stirred and glared at Edice.

"Get the fuck out. I'm still sleepy." He moaned, and flipped over only to realize his arm was already occupied.

"Hey." I smiled. He stared at me with a blank expression on his face. Then clicked the brain.

"Oh fuck, I did not ... did I?" His eyes became saucers as he thought of all the possiblities.

I lifted myself out of his grasp and rolled over him towards Edice, who had his hand extended to help me out of the sea. I brushed the creases out of my pants.

"If you mean admitting your undying love for me, then yes. Yes you did. However, if you want to skip the confession and go straight to the sex, then I must regret to inform you that I do not take advantage of drunkards." This was so awkward. Edice was in the room, and he probably foresaw the entire episode, and I could not keep my mind from screaming. Oh the horror.

I was surprised to see Kidward do nothing except scratch his head. "So uh, where does that leave us?"

I exhaled deeply. "Edice."

"Oh please, call me Eddie."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, Eddie. Could you please give us a minute?"

He snickered. "Sure."

After he shut the door behind me, I whipped my head back to Kidward, death glare plastered onto my face.

"So where do _you _think this leaves us? I thought you being all embarrassed at the park left us with unclarified dating status, but I guess I was wrong. So you can call the shots." I crossed my arms in agitation.

Again Kid scratched. His head, his stomach, his head again. "Could we stick to the unclarified dating status? Because I don't really feel comfortable to admit that a woman tamed me..." He faintly smiled at the almost funny joke.

"You are _so_ lucky I love you." I said, in a clear 'I-totally-wear-the-pants' manner before throwing myself into his arms.

And so we lived happily ever after, that was until people at school noticed us holding hands in the hallway. Then things got awkward. Oh not for Kidward and I. More for Ethan. The first day he found out, he didn't know whether to sit at the loser corner table or not. So he did and nearly shit his pants when Kid glared daggers at him. That was the last time Ethan ever sat in a 10 foot radius of me. It was rather nice.

I guess this angsty Journal thing isn't really living up to its name considering I am actually happy about living in Sporks. What I thought was going to be a drag with all the Norman time and rain time and just time stuck in Sporks in general time, turned into a great third year of high school. I made some friends, a boyfriend who refuses to admit to such unless I drug him, and the best guy friend in the world. I swear he's gay, but he still insists on loving the female anatomy. Maybe I should _actually _throw this out the window and see who stumbles upon it.

The crap-tastic life of Meg Lorraine Gray just got a little less crappy, and hell of a lot more awesome.

Perhaps I should start another one of these Diaries entitled "The fab-tastic like of Ms. Gray." Meh. Who would want to read a book on someone who's a complete Mary Sue? Definitely not me. Why am I still writing in this thing. It's almost 4:30 in the morning. I should really be sleeping. Did I mention that Norman actually lets Kidward sleep over? It's amusing because Kid doesn't seem to mind my old man's purple briefs. I wonder what he has to go through at home. Awe shit this pen is running out of ink. Last thing to whoever is reading this Sugartit Tina's routine on the pole w-

* * *

THE END. Forgive me Meg, but I just didn't have to time to add everything. There will be updates, I'm sure ... :D

And I'm too lazy to edit any of this, so if you **do **see a spelling error or an 'and' out of place, then ignore it until I fix it. I'm tired and want to play WoW.

**MERRY CHRISTMASS MY SEXPOT. MAY THE NEW YEAR BRING YOU THAT MUCH CLOSER TO THE WONDERS OF 2012. **


	5. Virgins Need Love Too

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, think I own, nor will ever have the creativity to make a super angry ging with love issues mine. -SOB-

**BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR THE BIRTHDAY GIRL! YAY Meggo. Porn magazines and lottery tickets for life :P **

* * *

December 21st 2012

The end of the world was near. I felt it in my gut, and my gut feelings were never wrong, unless you include the time I thought Sporks was an uneventful town.

But the end of the world was close. That much was certain. And here I spent the greater part of my life rotting in school, but that was beside the point. The point was in all my eighteen yearsof life, I hadn't done _anything _yet. Haven't travelled the world with the sexiest beast alive carrying all my new shoes. Haven't ventured into the sunset on a gorgeous cruise ship. Haven't told my mother that she was a whore, though I figured she'd have guessed by now. I haven't even had _sex_ yet!

I mean it wasn't like my mind revolved around thoughts of intercourse with a certain pirate who _still _refused to admit we were in a relationship. He was just so _stubborn_, but that was one of his many traits that aggravated me. His stubbornness, his arrogance, his inability to smile. All he did was smirk. Smirk and chuckle. But that was also what I loved about him. When he laughed his whole body would shake like a muscular version of Santa Claus, and when he smirked his whole face seemed to tilt. It was adorable, really. But I wasn't going to be able to enjoy that much longer, due to the fact that _the whole world was going to end._

I'm sure a few things would be fine. Like the cockroaches, Twinkies, and those ugly DFS sofas, but I was most certainly not. So when my alarm buzzed that morning, I laid in my bed, and wished I could sleep the end away. That wish was short lived however when my cell phone rang minutes later and a deep voice woke me out of my depression.

"Want a ride to school today?" Kid asked. Although I was sure he was already on his way. He was always on his way. For a man who refused to admit he was tied down, he sure went out of his way to wait on his 'not-girlfriend'.

I yawned and brushed a few hairs out of my face. "Yeah, I guess." I replied.

I hung up before hopping into the shower, and completing the rest of my routine, ignoring my blue and green make-up bag. It was my last day, my face didn't deserve to be beautiful. I looked into the mirror and prodded the bags under my eyes.

"You look _so_ unhealthy Margaret Lorraine," I told my reflection.

Before I could continue my rant on my ghastly appearance, a horn blared. I sighed and ran downstairs disregarding Norman's dancing in the living room on his Wii. I hopped into the red car and sighed deeply. Kid glanced over.

"What's wrong now?" He groaned.

I clicked my tongue and looked out the window.

"Oh nothing," I lightly said. "It's just that today is our last day on earth and we're going to school."

He glanced over and flashed me one of his signature 'I don't follow' looks. I sighed again.

"If you knew that today would be your last day on earth ever, what would you do?" I asked. "Hypothetically speaking of course."

He didn't answer until we rolled into the school parking lot. Everyone littering the area looked normal. Was I the only one that cared that 24 hours from now, we would all be dead?

Kidward dislodged the car key and threw it into his pocket. "If it was my last day, I'd take my boat, and set sail. A captain always goes down with his ship. But why do you want to know this? Better yet, you answer the same question. If you were going to die tomorrow, what would your wish be?" He looked genuinely curious.

I avoided eye contact. "Oh nothing much, just you know … . You know … Nothing out of the ordinary."

He quirked an invisible eyebrow. "Right. I'll see you at lunch." He pecked me on the eyelid and headed off the first class. It was odd that even now, I didn't know his schedule besides the class we shared. Or at least, I thought it was odd. I blamed it on the fact that Kidward never opened up. I'd blabber about everything and he's reply in 5 word sentences.

I left the parking lot and headed towards my locker. Distaste clearly written on my face. I just got used to Sporks, got a 'boyfriend', and just two months later, cockroaches threaten to take it all over.

"Quit your groaning already," the calm voice behind me ordered. I whipped around to see Edice. A button clicked in my head. He could see the future, that meant he could see the end of it too.

"Edice!" I exclaimed, grabbing his temples and pulling his forehead down to mine. "Use your mystic powers and please tell me 2012 is a lie." I squeezed my eyes shut waiting for the answer to be telepathically tent to me via brainwaves.

Edice slowly moved my hands away from his head and chuckled. His eyes looked up at me and leaned into my forehead a bit more.

"Meg, do you realize 2012 is just some marketing scheme. Nothing is going to ha-" Edice quickly raised his head and stared off into the distance. I knew that look all too well..

"What did you see?" I asked sceptically. From the frown stitched to his face, I predicted it wasn't good.

Edice shook his head in disbelief. "I might have lied. Don't freak out but .."

Oh God so the saw _the end_. I slammed my locker shut, disregarding any other words that came out of his mouth, and power walked to the office.

"Excuse me, Ms Répar, could you tell me where I might find Kidward Pirllen?"

She typed some things into the computer, then looked up from her screen.

"Ah Ms. Gray," she smiled. "You should check with Mrs. Potts down in Building Three."

Before she could spit out anymore information, I was out the door, dashing across the parking lot. I whipped open the door to the building and in search of this Mrs. Potts. Her room was easy to find. Her name tag was on a door with glitter all around it and cut out cakes from magazines. I lightly tapped on the door, and a stubby woman answered.

"What can I do for you today?" she asked kindly. Her smile was contagious. I traveled there in a panic, but all that anxiety seemed to have lifted, for the moment anyway.

I smile back. "I need to see Kidward if it's alright. It's urgent."

"Well then come in, come in. Just mind the noise. We're making soufflé." Mrs. Potts beckoned me in with the wave of her hand.

Soufflé? I walked around the corner only to be greeted by stovetops and students wearing aprons. I quickly spotted Kidward, he wasn't hard to miss with his red spiky hair, and goggles still on. He was hunched over the oven. When he spotted me he slammed the oven door closed in surprise.

"Oh fuck," he whispered violently and opened the door again. This time bringing out a deflated mess. "It was perfect too."

I took that as my cue to pull him away from class. I grabbed his red apron and pulled him to the door.

"Edice had a vision that the world was ending," I whined. "I told you it was real. And I refuse to spend my last day in History class. Wait is that blueberry on your face?" I lifted my finger to wipe it, and stuck it in my mouth. Yup, blueberry.

His hand shot to his cheek. "Probably from the pie I ate earlier. Anyway, what do you expect me to do? Whisk you away to Mars or something?" Irritation was clearly plastered on his face.

"Well maybe not that far. What if you take me on a cruise on your ship? You said you wanted to die at sea. Would you mind being accompanied?"

He sighed. "Was that the reason why you wanted to know? Good Lord Meg. You are getting too paranoid. Nothing is going to happen."

His words weren't very comforting. "That wasn't what Edice said. Please Kidward. I don't want to die alone." That sounded more needy than it had to, yet just the thought of having buildings crushing down on me, without anyone around terrified me. I began to breathe heavily. My heart rate sped up and my stomached lurched at the mere thought.

Kid noticed my anxiety attack, and placed his hands on shoulders. "Margaret. You are going to be fine. Alright?" his stern voice seemed to add to the absoluteness. Like just the tone could make anything he said true. If only that were the case.

"Just wait here." He strode into the classroom and I was left alone. He emerged again with his hoodie replacing the apron. He grabbed my arm and we walked to his car in silence.

Kidward stepped on the gas and drove away from school, away from the worst possible cemetery and away from his house.

"Kid, where are we going?" I asked.

His eyes didn't leave the road. "You said you wanted to meet your end on my boat, which you aren't going to. End that is. We can skip one day of school. It won't kill us." he chuckled at his lame pun.

We soon arrived at the marina. The ship that greeted us was huge. Almost as large as his 'shouse'. It looked quite the same, only cabin doors were painted red instead of green, figures.

"Why is it just sitting there?" I asked. "Shouldn't it be in storage or something? It's blocking the whole dock."

Kidward shrugged. "Edice said to take her out last night. No explanation or anything."

I got out of the car when he turned it off. Kidward popped the trunk and took out a rope ladder. We walked down the dock. I could hear seagulls calling and the rolls of the waves crash against the ship.

Kid threw the ladder over the boat in one swift motion and climbed over. I followed suit and pulled myself up.

I brought the ladder onto the ship, while Kid adjusted the sails and did whatever else it took to get the ship out of the marina and into our coffin.

For a half hour I walked around the place. There was another galley, which meant another kitchen. This one without electricity or clean running water. I opened the cupboards to find fruit roll-ups and pop tarts. I grabbed a roll-up and headed back upstairs. The poop cabin still looked like a study. Maps everywhere, and books chained to the walls. This boat was a legit pirate ship.

I browsed through some of the notes on the desk. They were even written with a feather and ink. I laughed at the thought of Kidward using one. A notebook was tucked under a partially drawn map. I opened it up and read a random entry. _Today commences the first day of dealing with my abandoned bird. I found him floating on debris. I think his crew was attacked by Old Man Will. So far I see no signs of recovery from his sleeping state. If he ever wakes up, he better be useful. Scarlett the Fierce will never fall prey to a useless prat. _The Log continued for months I noticed. I flipped to the back and read the last entry. _The birth was a success. Today is the day I hang up my cutlass and try to run a normal life, if only for the baby. Eustass and I named him after his father. Eustass Kidward Pirllen. You can already see the resemblance to me. The red hair sticking out of his head, and his straight-edged nose. -laugh- He's going to be a keeper. _I awed at the notebook. This ship must have been Kidward's mother's. Scarlett. For a redhead at sea, it seemed fitting. I left the cabin and joined Kid by the steer.

I left the cabin and joined Kid by the steer.

"So your name's Eustass." I smiled.

He whipped his head around, "What did I tell you about snooping?" He demanded.

"I'll keep the secret with me to my grave." I held my hands up in defence and chuckled at the joke I just made. "Question number ...14 I think we were at? What were your parents like?"

He locked the wheel and walked down to the lower deck. "I don't really remember them to tell you the truth. They died when I was 4. I was brought up by Edice's parents." He scrunched his face in concentration. "The only thing I can remember is my mom's long red hair. It would always catch in the wind when she'd walk me to pre-school. She was my hero." He chuckled solemnly .

I let the rest of the conversation die. It seemed like a sore spot for him, though he never admitted it. Instead I ditched him for the Captain's cabin. The bed was huge, the windows on each side of the room were huge, and I couldn't help but notice a portrait of a naked woman hanging over the bed, which was also huge. I flopped onto the mattress and stared at the painting, upside down. She was covering her chest while her red locks flew in the wind. A long sheet of white satin twirling around her body. Her face had a serious tone as she looked behind her, where ships set aflame, populated the water. I guessed that was Scarlett the Fierce. Kid really did look like her. Same hair, same nose, from the broad frame I suspected she was also just as strong.

I stood there thinking of the woman that was Eustass Kidward's mother, when he walked in and supermaned onto the bed, barely knocking the wind out of me.

"You were the one that wanted to 'escape the horrors of the end of the world' with me, yet here you are nosing into everything else." He dug his nose into my hair and inhaled.

"Sorry, I got distracted," I replied, shifting my body from one side to the other under his weight. "And aren't we a little out of character today?"

I snuggled into his arms liking the change in attitude. I fitted perfectly, mashed between his muscles.

"I could die now, and be content," I murmured.

He chuckled, I felt his whole body shake. "I thought you didn't want to die a virgin." He said.

"I said I didn't want to die _alone._ Where did you get virgin from?"

He cleared his throat. "Oh you know, have my boyfriend admit he actually loves me and maybe have sex … you know." Kid recited in a high pitched voice. "If that doesn't scream virgin, then I don't know what does."

I shoved him away playfully. "I don't sound like that, do I?"

He disregarded my question and stood up. He placed his hand out in front of him and half bowed like a butler. It was a sight to see considering he was built and looked nothing like a scrawny aristocrat's pet.

"So my lady, shall we make it a night to remember?" He raised an eyebrow trying to seduce my thoughts with his good looks. It worked for I reached out my hand to grab his.

"This is going to be kind of awkward. With your mom watching us and all," I began as he took off his coat and discarded it too the side. His chest distracted me from my discomfort. His pecs perfectly formed and his arms sculpted to perfection.

I looked up at him, feeling his chest. Nipples twitched at the cool touch. I knew this would only arouse him, but I felt like being a tease.

I smiled. "You know I really should be refusing you."

He stroked my cheek. His calloused fingers trailed their way to my ears. Kid leaned in closer.

"But you aren't going to," he whispered sensually into my ear. "Are you?"

He tussled my hair gently. I smiled into his hand. It smelt like the ocean. How fitting, considering we were floating in the middle of the sea, surrounded by nothing except the calling seagulls and gallons of water around us. Miles away from any source of civilization. The perfect place to end our lives; together, alone, and with our dreams fulfilled.

I slowly removed the goggles from his head. The hair it had held, flopped onto his face. I could see a single eye peek out through the curtain, and brushed the mop off to the side.

"I guess I was kind of the one to start it," I said slowly, trailing my fingers over his bare chest.

And with that he was on me. Hands found their way up my tank top, fingers going to the clasp on my bra, swiftly removing both in a single motion. In the same moment my hands made their way to the fly of his pants. I could feel the heat radiating from the bulge within. The same heat came from his breath, as he closed in on my lips. The sensation of his tongue on mine was exhilarating. Compared to the innocent peck on the slide, the present was much more passionate.

I continued my business south. Even with my eyes shut, I could picture Kidward's flushed cheeks as my hands crept into his boxers, our lips still attached. [ ]He shrank back for a moment, inhaling sharply from my cold fingers, but zeal took over quickly for he regained his composure and pulled me towards him. My hard nipples pressed against his chest. I broke free of his lips long enough to rip his leather pants off him, with a little assistance, and onto the floor which were quickly accompanied by Kidward's skull-patterned boxers.

Now it was my turn to sharply inhale. The mere length left me dumbfounded. Clearly not the same thing I used to see in those Sex Ed. diagrams. I began to feel self-conscious. If he was that big, did he mind that my breasts weren't fit to match? I moaned when I felt teeth clamp onto my teat. I took that initiative as a no.

I threw my head back in bliss at the sensation. Feeling I should contribute, I trailed my hands down his stomach, across his solid abs, to the erection greeting me. My fingers wrapped around the shaft, adding pressure to each stroke. His mouth left my chest and occupied my lips once again. Kid's fingers on the other hand traveled down my right arm, aroused my nipple but then continued to my loins.

I was taken by surprise as he prodded my opening. His thumb teased my clit, while fingers dived in further. I arched my back in response, leaving my station at his groin.

"Kid .. I can't," I tried to convey through gasps. He ignored my plea. Instead I arched my hips up further until his arousal met me. It was then that he got the message.

Kidward pushed me down, hard. My body sank into the mattress. He positioned himself over me, slowly lowering his body onto mine. It was uncomfortable at first, each thrust sent a shock of pain through me, but eventually those shocks became waves of pleasure. My hands flung to his back when he hit something deep within me. I dug my nails into his skin, as the pressure inside me built. I knew he was about to burst as well for his momentum sped and his hold on my hips increased. With every plunge he brought me to him, until finally I felt the crash of the wave envelop me. I opened my eyes through the haze of pleasure that consumed me, only to see Kidward's tensed expression fade as he released as well, still tightly inside me.

He leaned down and brought his mouth to mine, lazily nipping at my bottom lip, smiling to himself. I couldn't help but join in. I wished I could see more of this side of him. His nipping kisses made their way to my earlobe. I giggled at the tingles it sent down my spine.

Kid settled onto the pillow beside me and pulled me into his arms. My breasts laid flat on his chest as I nuzzled the crevice of his neck. A surge of fatigue washed over me, and my eyelids began to droop. I was moments away from falling asleep in his arms, when his warm breath blew into my ear, and his hair tickled my cheek.

I groaned in distaste.

"I love you." he whispered so lowly I almost didn't catch it at first.

My head shot up. Tears began to well up and I tried to blink them away. He had never said that before, and it caught me off guard. Kidward spotted a few tears that escaped and wiped them away with his calloused finger.

I laughed in embarrassment, choking back more tears. "I love you too," I replied before nestling myself once again in his neck and let sleep wash over me.

I woke up to the sound of crying birds and a hand resting on my still bare breast. I laid there motionless. I wasn't dead. Or maybe I was dead, and this was my heaven. Waking up to the man of my dreams in the ship of his dreams just floating along on a river of dreams.

That illusion was quickly shattered when I did a self check and noted the scars on my elbow, which looked like a female's _heavenly _areas, were still there. Those definitely did not hold a place in my heaven. Neither did a full bladder. After that rude awakening, I tried to turn over, still half asleep, but arms shackled me to the brick wall behind me. It was fine at first, however my bladder was going to explode if I didn't escape his clutches in the next two minutes.

I wiggled his hand away from my breast and shivered at the frigid air that was now exposed to them. People weren't kidding when they complained about the waterfront's temperature. Finally succeeding after countless attempts to move Kid's arms away from my still naked body, I slowly got out of bed and made my way to the door, picking up Kidward\s discarded coat in the process.

I glanced behind me and smiled at Kid's sleeping form. His signature scowl still plastered to his face. I then opened the port in search of the bathroom/barrel/peeing chamber of some sort. Walking out into the wind was like hitting a fan; sharp and skin slicing. I wrapped the jacket more securely around my self and dug my hands into the pockets, only to have my hand greeted by a folded piece of paper. I curled my fingers around it before heading into the galley.

I sighed in relief when I stepped out of the cubicle hidden behind a shelf of food. If I hadn't searched every corner, a barrel would have been my next step. Who has a snack rack beside a bathroom door? Only Kidward. All anxiety aside, peeing in the morning never felt so good.

My attention then went back to the scrap of paper. I pulled it out and slowly unfolded it.

**Oh Kiddy,**

**Meg is paranoid about the end of the world, but I had a vision that you guys are going to do the jingle, so go along with it okay? You'll thank me later, trust me. **

**Edice xox**

I crushed the letter in my first. Edice saw us, saw _me_, stark naked, moaning my life away. I felt violated and embarrassed. Heat rose in my cheeks. From rage or humiliation, who knew.

I was about to storm upstairs to give Kidward a piece, a rather large one, of my mind when a tall figure shuffled through the doorway and banged his shoulders against the railing as he made his way down the stairs. His hair was flattened to one side, goggles nowhere to be seen.

"How the hell can you stand this cold?" I gawked, regarding his lack of attire. The only thing he donned were his boxers.

Kidward shrugged and ripped open a packet of pop-tarts, shoving both in his mouth simultaneously.

"I dunno, but I must say you look rather seductive," he hinted, eyes still half-lid from drowsiness. Crumbs flew out of his lips and I couldn't help but giggle at the utter flirting fail.

No. I was supposed to be mad. Wrapping the coat tighter I trusted my hand into the pocket with the wad of paper, and threw it in Kidward's face.

"You lied to me," I accused, tone serious. "You knew I was paranoid. Knew I was under the impression I had one day to fulfill everything on my bucket list, yet instead of reassuring me, you fucked me with your _mother_ watching!" I flung my arms in the air at the sheer dumbfoundedness of it all.

Trying to make a statement about my anger towards him only led to a smirk on his part. My limb movements had unwrapped the cloak, leaving my breasts and nether regions for his eyes to drink up.

"You are unbelievable!" I stormed out onto the deck, into the cabin and slammed the wooden slab closed. Then continued to flop onto the bed and bury my face into the duvet. It smelt like the seat, sea, and unmentionables from the night prior.

I couldn't even wrap my head around what Edice has said. What has be seen? The foreplay? The moaning? The where we ….I shuddered. Why couldn't the world have ended? Life would have been so much easier.

I decided to put clothes on before thinking any further. My top was wrinkled beyond comparison. Ignoring this, I threw it on along with the pants from the night before.

"I should have brought a jacket. Jesus." I muttered to myself.

Yesterday it had been nice and warm thanks to father sun, however said father refused to show his lazy ass out this early in the morning causing the temperature hover over numbly frigid to limbs pop off freezing. Picking up Kidward's burgundy coat one more, I shuffled to the entrance to confront him without the attitude lashing. Kid must have been thinking the same for I walked into the edge of the door before I could open it myself.

"OW! SHIT!" I yelped, covering my injured nose. The pain stung to the extent that my eyes began to water. I pulled my hand away and sighed in relief to the fact that no blood was seen. Kid stood there stuplified.

"Oops," he breathed.

"Oops?" I repeated. "Oops is all you have to say? You almost broke my nose." My voice came out as a nasally squeak.

"Well sorry sor the door knob being metallic and me being too lazy to fucking open it," he groaned. "Here let me …"

I dodged his reach and sidestepped back into the room, glaring daggers at his face. "Don't touch it."

Kidward rolled his eyes and went to fetch his pants from the heap on the floor.

"I'm sorry," he murmured trying to unstuck his zipper. "In my defence, I _was _going to show you, honest, but how could I say no when there's a fucking woman sprawled on my bed begging to be ravaged with her seductive legs pleading for submission?" His face went from lightly pink from anger, to a cherry blossom red from remember my passion from last night, no doubt.

"I wasn't … Do you really think they're seductive?" My train of though was totally derailed from that proclamation. I twisted my leg to get a side look. They didn't look _that_ great. He took a few careful steps towards me. A hybrid between his smirk and a smile etched on his face.

"You bet they are."

Before I could retaliate with anything, he was on me clearly ready for another round.

"W-wait … Edice," my voice was drowned out by lips over mine.

"I'm sure he'll be there when we get back." And with that, I was enveloped in warmth once more.

* * *

Once again, I am not re-reading this thing. It's almost 5 000 words. Unless the sex is purple again I refuse. Lol.

P.S. **Happy birthday ... again. LOVE YOU! **


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